Home for the holidays

As we tumble into August, I already planning for December. I haven't been back home since we moved here 3 years ago. It's strange to have no longings to go back. I feel weird about it, like I should miss my family and friend more than I do. I should have longings to go back home on a regular basis.

Truth be told, I just don't. Perhaps it's because life here is busy and I just don't have much time think about it. Perhaps it's because I really like the weather here, even though it's 110. Perhaps it's because I feel a sense of accomplishment here; I was able to truly leave the nest and cling to the arm of my husband. Perhaps it's the stress of my work and all of the hours I put in. Perhaps... perhaps....

This year, I may have the opportunity to go home for the first time. We're in the planning stages at this point with tickets to be bought in the upcoming weeks. There is still sooo much planning to do, however. Tickets alone aren't enough. There are hotels, the dog, the fish, having a car while there, spending money, food while there... money will be flying out the door. And there are gifts to buy. We are exchanging emails with my hubby's family to share our Christmas lists for their big gift exchange. I've sent my son's list; I haven't even begun to compose mine. It's silly, really. I was able to compose little man's list with much more ease than my own. His list, for me, was easy: TOYS...oh but not just any toys, BAKUGAN toys. Oye. BOYS! With his help on the names, I was able to put together his list in no time flat. I, of course added things besides toys like DVDs and books. But his list has been composed and sent. Mine... well.. mine is still stuck a the beginning... the first and only line reading "J's Christmas List."

I'm not sure what to ask for this year. I have more chances of getting more "stuff" this year than I have in the past 3 years. Yet, for me the "stuff" doesn't matter. I don't have a great NEED or DESIRE for anything in particular. I can't think of any material items that I want or need at this moment. As I told hubby last week, the two "things" that I DESIRE my family can't give me: two more kiddos. Besides that, I just don't know what to ask for... spa certificate maybe? Last time I got one I didn't use it so that's not really a good idea. And I'm picky when it comes to home decor stuff and prefer just to get my own stuff. Maybe a donation in my name to a charity? I don't know if they would even go for that... So yeah... I'm at a loss as to what to ask for.

As I sit here looking over the two lists I've gotten from my family with still more to come, I'm at a loss as to want to put on mine Everyone seems to know exactly what they want. Me... what I want can't be put on a list or given as a "gift" in the manner in which gifts are given.... what I want, they, my loving family can't provide.

Hmm... maybe I won't send a list... will they be ok with that? Will I feel left out if I don't have a gift to open on Christmas morning? I wonder...