Maybe.... just maybe...

It's been a while since I last posted I think... not that anyone reads my blog anyway :). I've been so caught up in our home search and with work that I feel I have put very little thought into adoption. Well... I suppose that is not entirely true.

I think about additional children all the time. My home search has involved ensuring that the new house has room for 5 people, not just 3. Little man has made it clear on several occasions that there should be 3 children (including him). I bought my SUV in preparation of having more children in the home. I suppose adding more has always been in the back of my mind.

After Christmas, I decided not to mention adoption or additional children in my home; I didn't want to my husband to think I was pressuring him. I still think about it but I try not to discuss it (that often anyway). He knows I am still interested; I'm just waiting on him.

We are taking a parenting class at church this month and my thought is that perhaps I am coveting adding children thus making it extremely difficult to actually live. Maybe I am putting more thought into adding more and not in the linguistics of having more. Hubby is truly struggling with the idea of adding more children however he is willing to discuss this and get feedback from other in the parenting class. He seems to be thinking about it more and more these days and trying to decipher his own feelings towards adding more children. I, myself, have dealt with a few scares during this class: what if his no is adamant after this class? what if his NO turns into a YES after this class? Am I ready for a YES? What would I do if he says YES? How would I feel?? Would I start filling out paperwork, calling agencies, etc? (ok, I have already filled out the paperwork, LOL... just need to mail it). Would I ask him and I to pray about it first before jumping head first into the sea of adoption? I don't know how I feel. I think my head is clouded with the thoughts of moving, financing, work, and adopting; it's all a dream to me. When it becomes reality, only then will I know exactly what to feel and do (I hope). Until then... the dreams continue...


Maybe at the end of this class....just maybe my dream will become a reality...