Ok, I've been bad.. sort of... I've been researching Ghana adoptions since Wednesday (LOL, Thanks CB).. it's soo hard to break away. But I feel I must. I have been praying, but the prayer just didn't fit what was going through my mind when I read it...so I re-wrote it.
Here's my version:
God, have you told me TO adopt? I find myself saying that I have been called yet I am not really sure. Are you REALLY calling me? Or is it my own yearning that is superseding your message to me. The people I know and read about who have adopted are NOT rolling in the dough. Granted they may not have as much debt as we do but who really knows for sure, right? Yet they say they were called to do it and they stepped out on faith and you supplied their financial needs. Is there some creative way we could afford to do it? Are you asking me to make some big changes in our finances and my lifestyle so we could make some big changes in our family? Father, I don't like to accept help from others. Show me Lord, what needs to be done.
Is it really all about finances? Would there still be questions if finances were in tact? Is there something more that I am missing? Make them known to me. I'm afraid, Lord, that if I bring this up, you might tell me that this isn’t what you want for us. You’d tell me that it is my heart that wants this more that you want it for us. Show me the truth. If we are supposed to pursue this, light an insane passion within BOTH of us. If we need to make changes first, make them clear. If we are supposed to wait, then give us the desire with a healthy dose of patience. If we are not to adopt, show us and then help me to understand but let go.
Father, I pray for wisdom, for understanding, for guidance and for support.
There are just so many unknowns with adoption. Am I capable of this? What if we get into something we can't handle ... I’m afraid of the unknowns. What if things go badly? Yeah. Okay. I'm answering my own questions. I'm still freaking out, but I love you. I want to chase after all that you are. Help me to want exactly what you want. Help me to do exactly what you want me to do.
Amen.
Well, going to print this out and start afresh today with my adoption and blog fast.
May your Christmas be filled with lots of JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself!
Merry Christmas,
JG
Monday, December 1, 2008
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I think that is a beautiful prayer! I pray God will speak clearly to you and give you His wisdom. Much love and blessings to you!
ReplyDeletepraying for you!
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog- I will have you in my prayers as you decide what is right from your family. We have all been where you are at. As a mom that recently adopted from Ghana, I can say that it is the best thing I have ever done. I am so glad I followed my heart. We are so blessed. Know that you have so much support in the adoption community- we really help each other out and support each other through this journey. I always recommend joining some yahoo groups on adoption. They have helped so me so much.
ReplyDeleteI will look forward to seeing what you decide...
PS- feel free to contact me if you want more info on Ghana adoption- I am always happy to share my love for Ghana.
Warmly,
Jennine