An unwanted son

The little man that stole my heart has died. Jn Renold passed away on Wednesday afternoon. It's not fair that he was starving, that he lived in such a dire situation. It's not fair that he had to die not knowing the love of a mother and father. It just breaks my heart. I so wanted him to be loved and cherished by a family; I was really praying for him to get well. I was praying for him also to know the love of a mother and a father; to be wanted by a family and if it was God's will to be wanted by our family. I WANTED HIM! I was not expecting for him to die, although in the back of my mind I knew it was a possibility.

Jn Renold was not wanted or loved; his mother died when he was only 2 months old. His father's new wife did not want him; she dropped him off at the paternal grandmother's house for the grandmother to care for him. Grandmother could not care for him. So he got really sick... he was starving. to death. Step mom took him into the clinic. No one has spoken to his father... does he even know that Jn was sick? Does he even know that he is now gone? So very sad for this child... for any child.

I am soo unbelievably sad.Normally things like this doesn't affect me as much. I always get sad when I read of death of a child on the RHFH site and I am still able to move on,praying for the families of that child , however this time it feels different... almost like a loss of my own child. I visualized this little man in a loving home, specifically my loving home. I thought about holidays with him; doing school work with him; playing games with him and my bio, teaching him to write with sidewalk chalk on the back patio; he and my bio son sharing secrets, setting up a camp site in the middle of the living room, me making popcorn for them as they laughed and giggled ecstatically. I visualized him...participating in a family and being loved by a family.

I prayed almost daily for him, for the people at RHFH, for the children that pass through their loving doors. I posted his picture around my work areas, near my family photos so that I could see his face and remember to love on his picture, love on my own bio child and to pray for them both. As I take down his pictures, kissing his face (people at work think I'm crazy by the way, LOL), I wonder if I have done enough. Did I forget to pray for him on Wednesday? Did I spend to much time worrying about the election and not enough on the children of the world? I'm not sure.. only God can help me with this.

I will continue to wonder what else I could have done, from half-way around the world.

I wonder if he will ever know. Could he feel the love I had for him? Could he feel that someone in this world actually wanted him, actually cared for him? Did he know he was special to someone? Did he know that he was always on someone's mind? That someone was always praying for him, wanting him to be well, wanting so much for him to have a normal family life? Will he ever know? Probably not. But I do know that our heavenly Father knows best. He decided that this sweet little man has suffered enough and took him home. God loved and wanted him more than those on this earth. What a wonderful feeling... to know that you are loved and wanted by the God in Heaven! I know that God will in turn heal my grieving heart. But for now, I will let the tears fall freely... an outpour of love for an unwanted son...

Continue to pray for, support and remember the wonderful folks at RHFH. They need us... more than you would ever know.