As I always do this time of night, I am reading the blogs of my adoption friends and acquaintances trying to find an answer to the age old question. . . US adoption or International adoption. Unfortunately I have had an internal battle with these questions since I started down the adoption road and no amount of information will help or has helped me decide. Both US and international adoptions have their own lists of pro and cons and both require knowledge and understanding unequivocal to anything I have ever had to learn and understand.
I clicked through the usual blogs of interest tonight and landed on here (incidentally, I like reading this blog as it is always very informative and had lost the link when I switch my template). Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to jump out on the post that was labeled Friday July 4th. I read through the blog with easy (focusing specifically on the information for independent adoptions). Why did I then notice there were 5 comments? Hmmm.. what would people have to comment on? Seemed like basic information to me... oh boy was I in for a surprise. The comments speak for themselves so there is no need to go into the them here.
However this is my struggle...right here in black and white... sigh
Both ladies (and I am assuming the first commenter is female, I could be wrong), have very valid points and both are working for the same "ending" so to speak... every child having a loving,caring, supportive environment.... However they are both on the opposite ends of the spectrum. The "discussion" (if you can call it that) boiled down to these points. . . why would YOU (you being subjective here) want to adopt internationally when there are thousands of children here in the US that are in foster care that need to be adopted? Why would GOD tell you to adopt elsewhere without first telling you to help those "in your own backyard?" Would God "advise" you to remove children from their birth homes, their birth countries, the birth families.. from the only world they know?? Wouldn't he want you to help them KEEP their children instead of adopting them out? How do the orphanages get these children? Why would parents visit the children when they have said they are giving them up for adoption? How do you know the parents fully understand what they are doing or what they are being asked to do (as we have seen in the case of Madonna and Angelina's adoptions)?
Sigh... these are, in fact, my very own questions... (along with the question my mom posed... what happens to all of the money the country gets for these adoptions?? Thousands upon thousands of dollars are spent each year on adoption. Where does this money go??) I have such a heart for children, for orphans.. both in state and international. I would like to help in both situations however I know I won't be able to adopt and support all the children of the world (I can surely try,LOL). So how do I decide which way would be best route for my family? That is the golden question for which right now I don't have an answer. . .
Don't get me wrong I am all for family preservation and keeping families together,however when that cannot be accomplished what do we do? What do we do when the extended family cannot or will not take in other family member's children or that the only family member "available" is an 85 year old grandmother (as what happened with an ex-girlfriend of one of my brothers). Then what do we do?? When all possibilities have been exhausted, only then adoption can be considered... yet, what happens to the child in the mean time?? Bouncing him or her around to various foster homes or orphanages is not exactly a grand idea either. What about the child caught in the middle of this "process?" IS anyone considering his or her needs or feelings? Or is it all about preserving the family or finding an extended family member that can care for the child? For international children, what do you do when they have been abandoned? What do we do when the country as a whole doesn't have enough food, clean water or an educational system that can service their people? What about those children that have been abandoned (by both birth family and extended family.. or even by friends of the family). Do we let them starve or thirst because we believe that God would only want us to help those in our own back yard? Children are dying before they reach the age of 4 0r 5 in most countries.
The bible is specific in what is required of us as Christians: we are to help widows and orphans. HOWEVER, there isn't a precursor that says what I am about to say only applies to "people in your backyard." It simply says to help widows and orphans. God calls people to server Him in different ways... my calling may NOT be the exact calling of my family and friends ( which I must remember). Your calling may NOT be the exact calling as mine. And you or I may not agree with the calling that God has placed on an individual's life. But the fact is that God called them.... GOD called them... not us.
One comment stood out for me.... "Not everyone can change an entire village, or country (I can inject STATE here), but everyone can impact one life!" What are YOU doing to meet that challenge?
sigh... I will most likely continue to grapple with this ..... US vs international... how will we decide?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
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I will pray for you in this area.
ReplyDeleteFor our family, the first two adoptions were within the US, and this last one, outside of the US.
I think you know, when you have an overwhelming desire for a specific place, child, etc. WE were without a doubt called to our first to children we adopted, and this time, its the deep passionate love, intense desire that you are this child's parents, and its the love we have for the birth mother to do for her child, what SHE desires most, but cannot do herself. You see, our birth mothers want their children to receive an education, have a family, love, and opportunity. We can do this.
Anyone who says that adopting is wrong, or adopting from another country, is very rude, and disrespectful to the human race. Anyone who thinks that an Orphanage is suffice, should have to live that way for a long while, or perhaps have to place their own children in a foster care program, or Orphanage, or have food denied to them, maybe, just maybe they would see that these circumstances are not OK.
I will stop rambling now, I am just not willing to sit back and let anyone tell me that we are wrong, like they know exactly what the Lord wants! They do not know, they cannot possibly say they know, they weren't there to hear the Lord speak to our hearts, it was not shared with them, but US. This is the very reason people make dumb comments, because they don't know.
I also want to throw in that in no way at all, an I referring to your post, in a negative way at all, actually, I am referring to the first comment on the blog you refer to here.
One other thing. Try not to make your decision based on others opinions. Don't allow what you read sway you one way or another. Look deep in your heart, and you will find the answer you need.
when people ask us(we have adopted internationally an domestically-but not through"the system")why we dont adopt in our own back yard we turn it around on them and say "why dont YOU adopt from here?" the question usually comes from someone who hasnt adopted AT ALL. funny how the judgeres dont like being judged huh????
ReplyDeleteexcellent response ALI! I will try that one!
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words. It is very encouraging to hear from someone with experience. And I agree with you. NO one has the right to tell anyone else that they are wrong for what they do, or from where they adopt and to speak of things so boldly without fully understanding or knowning the truth is blasphemy to say the least. I do hope the author of the comment takes the blogger up on her offer and go to Haiti. It'd be interested what he/she says on after that experience. Neither foster care or an orphanage is the right place for a child. A child belongs in a family... a loving home. How they get there is totally up to God.
I've noticed that when I mention international adoption to family or friends (and even on some boards) that the response is generally negative.. to say the least.It seems as though you are seen as a trader of some sort.... like you are dabbling in some sort of espionage or plight against the US.
Have you noticed this? It's almost like American children are in greater need that children elsewhere.. like they are better than any other child on this planet and should be treated as such. I can't really explain it... But it breaks my heart to hear people talk that way.
Please know that I am not going to base my decision on what someone else thinks or feels (well except my husband's), I just want to feel confident in the decision that I do make.
I especially appreciate your prayers as I surely need them.
Hi Ali,
ReplyDeleteThat's a great response!! except what if the person is my hubby?!?! then I'm back to square one! lmao!
But I will use that on others!