The Reluctant Spouse

Ideas for Helping to Ease a Spouse's Reluctance

*Acknowledge your spouse's concerns and fears; try to listen with interest, not judgment.

*Air and discuss the differences between you, rather than trying to cover them up or smooth them over.

*Maintain balance in your discussions between the reasons for your spouse's resistance to adoption and your reasons for wanting to adopt.

*Don't take a spouse's initial reaction as the final word. When a subject is emotionally charged, people often say things they don't really mean.

*Give a spouse time and space to consider issues as they arise; recognize that people approach change at different speeds.

*Don't expect your spouse to react to developments in the adoption process the same way you do.

*Find a support group of other couples considering adoption. Hearing that they, too, have reservations may help both of you.

*Work with an agency or lawyer that has a solid process for exploring adoption issues; don't assume that you know all the angles.

*If your spouse isn't providing the support and encouragement you need to cope with the rocky adoption process, then seek it from a sympathetic friend or relative.

*See a marriage counselor if you have trouble navigating any of these issues. A reluctant spouse may hear questions and advice better from a neutral observer.

©2000 Adoptive Families Magazine.

hmmmm.... I suppose I'll just keep talking until I'm blue in the face!